i am an insecure self

i've been rather down and low these days. For me, 'down and low' also means there's some anger in me. Another bout of depression strikes me once again...they just happen spontaneously, without reason. I'm so prone to such things...

It gets worse when i start reading my own blog and other writings (like the ones below) and find that i'm not as impressed by them as i used to, or thought i would. Now it just seems like little substance in an excessive amount of words. sigh...this brings up self-doubt. I'm very prone to self-doubt. What if you woke up one day and realised that whatever little you've done that you once thought was marginally impressive (and provided sustenance for your fragile sense of self-confidence) no longer seems that way to you?

It opens up a pandora's box of self-negativity.

Have i been taking the right path in my life so far? Or has following my heart and pursuing all my passions amounted to nothing because i wasn't meant to excel in them and didn't realise soon enough?

The Past 19 years seemed like a struggle to work for my passion and interest, a struggle in vain. The currents of failure are pushing me back faster than my efforts can get me upstream, and im starting to lose it. There's so much i owe to so many people, i fear i cannot repay their kindness and understanding and assistance and hopes for me.

self-negativity leads to a fear of incompetency. this fear leads to hate of oneself. this hate leads to spontaneous occasional anger. this anger leads to...