i screwed up again!

Argh something's wrong with this brain of mine...it works so slow, i couldn't complete the physics paper quickly enough...left all those "state definitions" and other open-ended word answer questions blank...then didn't have time to go back and fill them up...argh!

just wonder why i'm so stupid...why am i so slooow? [insert stuff in last post here]

i hate myself...and to seek temporary relief of my pain, i'm reading "mathematics for physicists" and trying to bluff myself by making me think i'm smart enough to understand that...yeah and perhaps 100 yrs later when i finally get it, i'd also realise my brain's too sloooow.

oh well its gonna be over...just as how Pu Yi's father said to his young crying son at his coronation, in the twilight of the Qing Dynasty. Perhaps next March i'll learn that i'm finished too...what an awful thought i cannot resist.

what can i possibly do? sigh. i hope i don't sink into depression again...i've only a month before NS catches up on me, and i'll need to find some confidence in me. So much to do to save oneself, so little time to do it. And i'm so sloooow.

math, physics and curry...drugs to cause hallucinations of achievement and high mental capability, even in the absence of. There is no cure to a painful inferiority complex in which that awful reality is projected into the inner space of my heart.

There's only math, physics, curry. Indulge in psychological analgesic.